I threw away the blue rose before dinner.

I was very surprised when I saw her approaching the fountain. I almost hid the blue rose behind me, but she still spotted it and approached me nevertheless.

“Well, well, fancy meeting you here.” She said cheekily.

“I… er…” I did not know what to say.

“Hahaha… relax!  I know this is really awkward for you.  In fact, I feel the same too.” She maintained her wide, charming smile. Her eyes seemed to sparkle against the flowing waters of the stone fountain beside us.  She was wearing a turquoise dress with black gold studded belt, and a matching pearl necklace with cream pair of flats. Her shining black shoulder length hair swayed slightly with the passing breeze.

I woke up.

“Oh, does your boyfriend…”

“He knew about this all along and did not mind, but he dumped me for someone else a month ago.” I could faintly spot a tinge of sadness in her eyes, but she went back to her smile just as quickly.

“I see…”

We looked at each other in that moment of silence, enveloped by the slight chillness of the windy afternoon, before she burst out laughing.  “Seriously, are you always this tense when meeting someone of the opposite gender? No wonder you haven’t saw anyone else ever since…”

“Shut up!” We laughed and I gave her an evil eye to stop her from continuing.  But she always knew how to relieve the tension around her.  Indeed, I was feeling a little more relaxed after that moment of awkwardness.

“Oh, before I forget,” I reached into my pocket, but she stopped me. “It’s okay, we can settle it at the end.  I trust that a decent fellow such as you won’t run away right?” She giggled.

“And how much time do we have?” Then I realised the redundancy of the question when she laughed again. “Three hours. Unless we count the amount of time lost since… twelve minutes ago. Hah, I am joking. I won’t be so strict.”

“So I should be glad about it?” I replied half-jokingly, though she probably didn’t find it funny from her half-condescending expression she put on right after that. “You should really work on your jokes.” I gave an awkward smile before she giggled again and squeezed my shoulder gently. I felt an overwhelming sense of assurance by that action.

“I am hungry, I haven’t had my lunch yet.  I know of a nice restaurant nearby that shouldn’t be too crowded at this hour. So shall we?” I nodded and she took my arm.

***

The restaurant wasn’t too far away from the fountain. It sat quietly on one side of the alley of eateries, away from the main road. It was quite a large place, but the crowd was thinning since it was right after lunch time. We sat near the window which faced a large green plaza with plenty of human traffic. There was a busker playing her guitar and singing a song near the middle of the plaza. We could barely hear what she was singing although she did have a mini speaker to amplify her voice.  We ordered a simple lunch set meal each, mine being fish and chips with cream of mushroom while she had her vegetarian risotto with sautéed onions and carrots. We also shared a small bottle of sake. 

“How’s work for you?” She started the ball rolling.
“Nothing special, I suppose. I’ve been doing the same old for the past few years. Interesting events do happen every now and then, otherwise it’s been pretty plain. I don’t dislike my job, but I do not have any particular passion for it too. Probably the nice bonus I get every year is what kept me going.”

We burst out laughing.

“Are you busy in school?” I passed the ball back.
“Not too bad. My projects are mostly done, exams are coming up but I am not too worried about it.”
“Confident, as usual.”
“Definitely!” She grinned. I blushed a little.

 The food didn’t take long to arrive to our table.  Her risotto came first, before my fish and chips shortly after, so we did not have to wait for each other.  She smiled at me again, but I maintained eye contact with the fish fillet instead.  She giggled. And for the next several minutes or so, we dug in without saying anything else.  Sometimes I will look up to her for a while, accompanied by the busker’s faint song. She is very attractive after all.  But I will look at my soup whenever she caught me glancing at her.  She would grin at me cheekily.

“So…” I stuttered a little.

“I know what you want to ask,” she scooped a corner of her risotto and dipped it into the gravy, “it has been quite a while now, ever since my dad…” A fleeting moment of sorrow revealed itself in her eyes, but she regained her cheery composure at the next instant. “Then comes the operations, and then the bills… you can figure out the rest of the story.”

“I understand. How is he now?”

“Much better than when he was first admitted, but still needs to go back for follow up.  He is getting better at least.”

“I see… I am glad.”

“Yes, me too definitely… thanks for your concern. I really appreciate it.” She placed the risotto into her mouth, and beamed.

I smiled too.

“And you…?”

“I also know what you want to ask.” I tried to sound a little more confident, but it probably came out all wrong. “You could probably guess too.”

“So it really is that, since she… that was seven years already.”

Seven years.

I looked out of the window, seeing how the passers-by walk past the busker without being willing to notice her presence.  A few did stop for a while and listened, but…

I put down my fork.

“Maybe I am looking in all the wrong places. Or maybe I haven’t forgiven myself for all the stupid things that I have done when she was around. Heck, I probably don’t deserve to be forgiven, and hence now…” I realised that I have said too much.  But I didn’t stop. “I know I have let go for her. But does that mean that I deserve not to have someone else walking into my life?” I reached for the cup of sake. “Maybe I am using my social ineptness as an excuse not to get hurt anymore.” The sake was ice cold.

She nodded, and reached over to squeeze my arm gently.

I gave a bitter laugh. “And last night, probably had too much of a drink, I went to the website, and called the number.  And tadah, here I am right now, in the strangest of situation. I almost wanted to throw away the blue rose a few times while waiting at the fountain. And I’ve never expected that you…”

“I know right, I know… I saw you trying to hide that rose, but it was too late for me to not see it too.”

We burst out in laughter. She squeezed my arm again.

“How is she now?” I found myself asking this most unexpected question.

“Well, I happened to have skyped her last week. Her second kid just turned a month old, and she showed her to me. She is so chubby and cute that I wished I could squeeze her cheeks over the internet.  But too bad she is many thousand miles away.”

I found myself smiling a little after hearing that, with a strange sense of relief.

And then, we moved our conversation to other things like the best teahouse in town, the worst strategy to use in Munchkins and the politics between school professors, till we polished our plates and cups clean. We never liked to waste food.

“Well, it’s about time, isn’t it?” She teased.

“Haha… Er… indeed… er… wait… Oh no, I forgot to…” I slapped my forehead.

“You mean you didn’t book any… My, oh my, you are still such a scatterbrain. How did you get promoted so quickly at work in the first place?”

I could only grin sheepishly.

“I tell you what. Since you are driving… there is a cosy place that I know we can go to. Shall we?”

***

I pulled over a few buildings away from her school.  I reached into my pocket for the brown envelope and passed it to her.  She opened it, worked her fingers through the contents, and took out two blue notes.  “This is for being such a great company today,” and stuffed them into my pocket before I could say anything. I scratched my head embarrassingly. We looked at each other for a moment, and she reached over and gave me a light hug.

“Thanks for being here today with me,” I shifted eye contact away to the windscreen.

She laughed and gave me a pat at my shoulder, “the pleasure was mine too. I hope you had a good time. ”

“Yeah, I did, very much.” I still didn’t look at her.

“All right, I shall be going now.”

“Actually…” I blurted, “actually…” I could feel the full flush on my face.

“Hmmmm?”

“Will it be possible for us to meet up again under a different circumstance?” I tried to maintain eye contact, but I couldn’t.

She pondered a little, and giggled. “We shall see,” and then knocked on my forehead gently with her finger before opening the door.

***

I stared out of the car window, not knowing what to expect from the sunset that was right in front. It was time for dinner.  So I restarted the engine, released the handbrake, and drove back home to cook myself a decent dinner.