Written upon request to match the drawing from A3 Fencers.
“Welcome back to the finals for the Annual Fencing Masters.”
“We are currently at the final bout between the finalists vying for the coveted trophy and honour for this prestigious competition.”
“The score now is 14 to 14.”
Salutes.
“En garde, Prêt,”
“Allez!”
***
When I first saw Clare, I did not pay much attention to her, until one fine day when Coach commented, “She has the potential I am looking for in a female fencer.” For a while more, I looked at her. Indeed, she had the aura of strength that could be mould into a future champion.
From then on, I noticed her more and more.
She was never a demure lady that anyone would expect of females at her age, but yet something about her intrigued me. Or perhaps attracted my metallic attention like a magnet.
“Hey Alan!” She would call out to me joyfully every time we see each other at the piste.
Very often, I couldn't take my eyes off her. I had to slap myself awake and get on with training.
***
I have known Ben for as long as I remember, and somehow we always had the same interests. Same school, same CCA, same dietary preferences. We even lived in the same block, before I moved away to 'the other side'.
I never thought that our similarities would bring us much trouble until Clare came along.
***
All this while, I had been telling myself that my perceived 'feelings' for Clare are temporary.
“It is just an infatuation lar. It will be over real soon.”
“It's just a passing phase. A passing phase! You are just desperate lar.”
But every time people around me talk about the 'possibility' between both of Ben and Clare, since they seem so close now, that bottle of water would taste lemons. I still had to force a smile in front of them, because no one knows what I am thinking. No one should know, not even Clare.
Living in that state of conflict, I often wonder where my heart truly lies.
***
“You got it all wrong, Clare! I... I... would never...”
I never forget that conversation I had with Alan that day. I never seen him so flustered, so frustrated, and so agitated in denial.
Ever since the day I joined the club, I always felt something from Alan. Surprisingly, I am not uncomfortable at all.
And ever since Ben told me his feelings towards me on the bus trip home, everything changed. I truly appreciate his love, and I am more than willing to give it a shot for the both of us. My heart says yes, but my mind told me I am not ready yet. And so we became closer, sharing our lives to the fullest detail, understanding each other, until I am ready to say yes.
But I never knew that things would become such a mess.
And now, right in front of me, is Alan and Ben slugging it out in the finals of the competition. A close match as it ever was during trainings. But I am feeling an aura of ruthlessness from the both of them throughout the bout.
Hopefully, I am being paranoid in my above statement.
And hopefully, both of them would be safe.
***
“Ten, nine, eight, seven, six,”
“Five,”
“Four,”
“Three,”
“Two,”
Flash!
“BEEP!”
“Touché. 15 to 14.”
“Bout.”
Sunday, January 24, 2010
The girl who could move chairs without using hands
A tribute to Yuriko from Red Alert 3. 'News report' 'extracted' directly from Uprising.
Today is my 10th birthday.
I am so excited, because my birthday party later would be a bash! I am so looking forward to all the gifts and food and company. I have invited all my classmates along for tonight.
Especially that girl in my dreams. I am so glad she agreed to grace the party with her presence.
The decorations in my house are all set, as well as the cakes and the buffet dinner, with generous helpings of sushi and hamburgers. I made some of them too, though my mum and sister did most of the work.
I wonder if she likes tuna maki. Those are my favourites.
The clock struck seven and here comes the crowd in their party hats, jinbeis, kimonos and American jeans alike. And presents of all shapes and sizes flood my room like a tsunami wave. I am grinning from cheek to cheek for that hour.
But I haven't seen her yet. Where could she be?
I am relieved to see her coming to the doorstep, with her mum holding her hand. She looks a little scared, not used to the crowd I guess. Her mum knelt down and said a few comforting words to her, before she left. Then she sat by herself at a corner, staring into space.
For reasons I do not understand, she was not well-liked in class. Bullies often pick on her, saying mean things to her, while others just stared and watch. I couldn't do anything to help, not before I mastered my karate anyway.
I went over and sat down beside her.
“Yuriko, I am glad you are here tonight.”
“Yup.” She did not look at me though.
“Need me to get you something to eat?”
“Erm... okay...”
I am so elated when she finished all the tuna maki I brought for her.
***
I invited her over to my house to play after school.
I have recently acquired a Go set, so I eagerly take it out and show it to her. I taught her the basic rules of the game, and she picked it up quite quickly.
Too quickly I suppose. I am thrashed countless times in that game. I am so embarrassed.
Then Tabby the cat came by, and came close to her. She stroked Tabby gently.
“Do you remember Sensei once told us that only some animals can fly? Like birds and bees?” She said out of the blue.
“Yeah he did mention something about that,” I replied, a little confused.
“Actually, I think he is wrong. Cos cats can fly too!”
And before I know it, Tabby is slowly ascending from the floor, and floating around the house. At first Tabby struggled a little, but she got hold of herself and went with the flow. Tabby seems to be enjoying her flight.
And of course, my jaws dropped.
“How did you do that??”
“Well, I just think about the cat flying, and so it did. Simple.” She said matter-of-factly.
I recovered from my awed-struck mode, before I jokingly asked her, “So can you fly too?”
“Nah, Sensei is right about one thing: Humans cannot fly by themselves.”
We burst into laughter.
***
The last I have seen of her was a few days ago, when I was on my way to visit her at her house. When I reached her garden, I saw several imperial guards storming into her house. Before long, they reappeared with Yuriko in their arms and her parents kneeling and begging them not to take her away. A man in white robe, who looked like a scientist, was pacifying them.
“We are trying to protect her from others. Don't worry, she will be in good hands.”
And they drove her off in a military transport, across the plains to nowhere.
***
I just had my first tour around the Imperial Military Institute. Gargantuan is the only word I can use to describe it.
It's been six hard years since I got the Shogun's Scholarship to study Nanotech engineering at the Imperial University of Tokyo. I've never liked engineering, even though nanotechnology was indeed an interesting subject to dwell into.
I haven't heard from Yuriko for the past 15 years. I hope to change that after my first day of work at the resource centre. From my understanding, that place houses libraries of information regarding our military capabilities. I will start my search from there.
Things seems to be a little tense I observed. I sure hope nothing catastrophic is going to happen.
***
I cannot believe my eyes.
I hacked into the military database to search for more information about our psionic military research, when I saw that familiar name. And those horrifying archived footages.
What have you done to Yuriko, you abomination?!
When I get my hands on you, Dr Shimada...
***
“By now you should have heard stories about Yuriko Omega, the mysterious Japanese girl with terrifying psionic powers. During the war the Allied soldiers claimed that she decimated entire combat battalions using only her mind.”
“Who is this young girl? Where did she come from? And how did she develop these fearsome and fantastic abilities?”
“Yuriko's history is somewhat murky. Some sources say that her real name is Yuriko Matsui, and Omega is simply a codename used by the military. According to the same sources she was born in the small coastal town of Tanabe and she exhibited paranormal powers from the time she was very young.”
“There were indications that she was scorned by her schoolmates because of her unique abilities. When the government learnt of these talents, she was taken away to the Shiro Psychic Research Centre run by this man... Dr Shinji Shimada. He is widely known in his advances in the area of psionic research.”
“What did the scientists at the Shiro research centre do to this confused, lonely little girl? We may never know exactly, but whatever it was, she was never the same again.”
***
I managed to escape to New York City before the Empire was crushed by the Allied forces during the Third World War. Speaking from fairness, the Empire and our Emperor had it coming to have foolishly declared war with the world, only to be defeated at our own heart in Tokyo.
I feel so powerless though. I heard that Yuriko is detained in the jungles of Guam, along with other prisoners of war. I am so worried. But at least she is still alive. I've got to find a way to reach her.
I could hear her cries of desperation and pain in my dreams every night.
Until I got a call from a friend.
“You better switch on the news now.”
“Allied military officials still refuses to comment on the disastrous events which followed Yuriko's detainment. We do know this though: Yuriko Omega was nowhere to be found and is now assumed to be on a run. Where could she go? If the military knows, they aren't saying.”
“One thing is certain however, sometime, somewhere, she will reveal herself. And when she does, hundreds, thousands or possibly millions will be in very grave danger.”
“So did they think she's trying to get back to Japan?”
“No one knows, Ted, since her escape there has been no sign of her whatsoever.”
Oh great. Yuriko levelled the prison in Guam and is on a run now. I know I shouldn't have, but I let out a cheer of delight, knowing that she's safe. As I calmed myself down, I recalled that sentence she repeated countlessly to me in my dreams.
“I have a score to settle. I have a score to settle.”
Time to pack up and book a flight to Tokyo.
***
By the time I reached the outskirts of the now defunct capital, only debris remains for the Shiro Research Centre. And I could feel her presence on the hill top at the other side.
“Yuriko...”
She landed herself and looked at me with her tired eyes. And smiled.
***
Today is Tabby's 20th birthday. I've made a pair of angel wings for her to wear as her present.
So that Yuriko could fly her around again with her wings, with the both of us.
Today is my 10th birthday.
I am so excited, because my birthday party later would be a bash! I am so looking forward to all the gifts and food and company. I have invited all my classmates along for tonight.
Especially that girl in my dreams. I am so glad she agreed to grace the party with her presence.
The decorations in my house are all set, as well as the cakes and the buffet dinner, with generous helpings of sushi and hamburgers. I made some of them too, though my mum and sister did most of the work.
I wonder if she likes tuna maki. Those are my favourites.
The clock struck seven and here comes the crowd in their party hats, jinbeis, kimonos and American jeans alike. And presents of all shapes and sizes flood my room like a tsunami wave. I am grinning from cheek to cheek for that hour.
But I haven't seen her yet. Where could she be?
I am relieved to see her coming to the doorstep, with her mum holding her hand. She looks a little scared, not used to the crowd I guess. Her mum knelt down and said a few comforting words to her, before she left. Then she sat by herself at a corner, staring into space.
For reasons I do not understand, she was not well-liked in class. Bullies often pick on her, saying mean things to her, while others just stared and watch. I couldn't do anything to help, not before I mastered my karate anyway.
I went over and sat down beside her.
“Yuriko, I am glad you are here tonight.”
“Yup.” She did not look at me though.
“Need me to get you something to eat?”
“Erm... okay...”
I am so elated when she finished all the tuna maki I brought for her.
***
I invited her over to my house to play after school.
I have recently acquired a Go set, so I eagerly take it out and show it to her. I taught her the basic rules of the game, and she picked it up quite quickly.
Too quickly I suppose. I am thrashed countless times in that game. I am so embarrassed.
Then Tabby the cat came by, and came close to her. She stroked Tabby gently.
“Do you remember Sensei once told us that only some animals can fly? Like birds and bees?” She said out of the blue.
“Yeah he did mention something about that,” I replied, a little confused.
“Actually, I think he is wrong. Cos cats can fly too!”
And before I know it, Tabby is slowly ascending from the floor, and floating around the house. At first Tabby struggled a little, but she got hold of herself and went with the flow. Tabby seems to be enjoying her flight.
And of course, my jaws dropped.
“How did you do that??”
“Well, I just think about the cat flying, and so it did. Simple.” She said matter-of-factly.
I recovered from my awed-struck mode, before I jokingly asked her, “So can you fly too?”
“Nah, Sensei is right about one thing: Humans cannot fly by themselves.”
We burst into laughter.
***
The last I have seen of her was a few days ago, when I was on my way to visit her at her house. When I reached her garden, I saw several imperial guards storming into her house. Before long, they reappeared with Yuriko in their arms and her parents kneeling and begging them not to take her away. A man in white robe, who looked like a scientist, was pacifying them.
“We are trying to protect her from others. Don't worry, she will be in good hands.”
And they drove her off in a military transport, across the plains to nowhere.
***
I just had my first tour around the Imperial Military Institute. Gargantuan is the only word I can use to describe it.
It's been six hard years since I got the Shogun's Scholarship to study Nanotech engineering at the Imperial University of Tokyo. I've never liked engineering, even though nanotechnology was indeed an interesting subject to dwell into.
I haven't heard from Yuriko for the past 15 years. I hope to change that after my first day of work at the resource centre. From my understanding, that place houses libraries of information regarding our military capabilities. I will start my search from there.
Things seems to be a little tense I observed. I sure hope nothing catastrophic is going to happen.
***
I cannot believe my eyes.
I hacked into the military database to search for more information about our psionic military research, when I saw that familiar name. And those horrifying archived footages.
What have you done to Yuriko, you abomination?!
When I get my hands on you, Dr Shimada...
***
“By now you should have heard stories about Yuriko Omega, the mysterious Japanese girl with terrifying psionic powers. During the war the Allied soldiers claimed that she decimated entire combat battalions using only her mind.”
“Who is this young girl? Where did she come from? And how did she develop these fearsome and fantastic abilities?”
“Yuriko's history is somewhat murky. Some sources say that her real name is Yuriko Matsui, and Omega is simply a codename used by the military. According to the same sources she was born in the small coastal town of Tanabe and she exhibited paranormal powers from the time she was very young.”
“There were indications that she was scorned by her schoolmates because of her unique abilities. When the government learnt of these talents, she was taken away to the Shiro Psychic Research Centre run by this man... Dr Shinji Shimada. He is widely known in his advances in the area of psionic research.”
“What did the scientists at the Shiro research centre do to this confused, lonely little girl? We may never know exactly, but whatever it was, she was never the same again.”
***
I managed to escape to New York City before the Empire was crushed by the Allied forces during the Third World War. Speaking from fairness, the Empire and our Emperor had it coming to have foolishly declared war with the world, only to be defeated at our own heart in Tokyo.
I feel so powerless though. I heard that Yuriko is detained in the jungles of Guam, along with other prisoners of war. I am so worried. But at least she is still alive. I've got to find a way to reach her.
I could hear her cries of desperation and pain in my dreams every night.
Until I got a call from a friend.
“You better switch on the news now.”
“Allied military officials still refuses to comment on the disastrous events which followed Yuriko's detainment. We do know this though: Yuriko Omega was nowhere to be found and is now assumed to be on a run. Where could she go? If the military knows, they aren't saying.”
“One thing is certain however, sometime, somewhere, she will reveal herself. And when she does, hundreds, thousands or possibly millions will be in very grave danger.”
“So did they think she's trying to get back to Japan?”
“No one knows, Ted, since her escape there has been no sign of her whatsoever.”
Oh great. Yuriko levelled the prison in Guam and is on a run now. I know I shouldn't have, but I let out a cheer of delight, knowing that she's safe. As I calmed myself down, I recalled that sentence she repeated countlessly to me in my dreams.
“I have a score to settle. I have a score to settle.”
Time to pack up and book a flight to Tokyo.
***
By the time I reached the outskirts of the now defunct capital, only debris remains for the Shiro Research Centre. And I could feel her presence on the hill top at the other side.
“Yuriko...”
She landed herself and looked at me with her tired eyes. And smiled.
***
Today is Tabby's 20th birthday. I've made a pair of angel wings for her to wear as her present.
So that Yuriko could fly her around again with her wings, with the both of us.
The truth behind the story of the tortoise and the hare
My first exercise in HZ101 to rewrite a childhood story.
Oh man. I lost it big time. I still can't believe that I lost to tortoise in that race.
It's humiliating.
I could still recall that day when I was telling that group of hare-babes that race of the century in which I won cheetah by that tiny notch. It was phenomenal. I would never forget that day when I crossed the finish line, the cheers from the crowds and the wows by the king of the jungle. And the priceless honour to receive the olive crown of excellence.
And that stupid tortoise had to spoil my day by ridiculing me in front of the babes, and challenge me to a race instead. Of course I laughed at that suggestion, so as others too. But that hot bunny said that she was curious of seeing both of us in a race, so I accepted the tortoise's challenge.
As usual, I did my training drills a few weeks before the race to keep my fitness up to the mark. Even though it's a sure win for me, I cannot afford to be careless. There must be a good reason why that tortoise dared to challenge a five-time jungle champion, and I definitely wouldn't take any chances. My reputation was on the line, and so I had to keep myself in tip-top condition and win it with style.
But it was sure an unlucky day for me, really. On that big day, when I woke up, I found my basket of carrots missing. Apparently some shameless thief broke into my house and took them all away! Strangely, the rest of my valuables, like my carrot seeds and bunny ear pads, remained intact. I guess that thief must be a really hungry one, and when I get my hands on him/her/it... after I get that race over with first of course. My stomach was growling though, but it shouldn't be a problem for just a one farm lap race right?
At the starting point, my stomach was still growling, as loud as the rolling drum. That tortoise, hearing that growl, was kind enough to offer me a carrot to fill my stomach. It was delicious I had to admit, and was for a moment grateful of him. I was feeling more hyped up with energy than before. I was sure to win this hands down.
The roar of the lion king signalled the start of the run. I went ahead of the tortoise at the first instance, and it was a pretty smooth run with no hiccups like some hedgehogs standing in the way or scarecrows scaring the hell out of me. I ran, and ran, and ran, and without warning, I felt very, very dizzy. I stopped for a little while, knowing that the tortoise was still quite far back, and tried to shake myself back awake. No use. Then a splitting headache like a sledgehammer on my skull. Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch...
After a few minutes, my headache and dizziness subsided. But I felt strangely tired and sleepy. The weather was hot, and a tree with a huge crown by the road side beckoned me to go over and enjoy its cooling cover. How could anyone resist that? And so I hopped myself over and sat under the tree, looking at the leaves sway with the wind before I closed my eyes.
“Beep beep. Beep beep.”
That was my pulse watch's alarm. It would ring if I were to slack too much, which usually amounts to five minutes. But strangely, the pulse watch's alarm was set to a full hour! I panicked. Does that mean I have slept for the past hour?? I panicked even more, before I rushed to the finishing line with speed and vigour never before. I actually broke my personal best timing with that sprint.
But the tortoise was already waiting, smiling, at the finishing line.
He waved.
***
Sun Tze's Art of War states: “Know thyself and thy enemy, and thy shalt know no losses”. Other animals would think that I was foolish enough to challenge the king of the hill in his tracks. They would be right if I were to have done it on impulse. Except that I didn't.
Preparation is very important in fighting a war. Sun Tze had also mentioned that we must be prepared and know the victorious outcome of the battle even before it was fought, rather than go into the battle trying the seek victory. Those who know me well know that I am never rash, and would plan everything prior the battles I face.
But still, I am quite appalled by the stupidity and dullness of the hare, who was so full of himself. Served him right. Any animal in their sound mind would be able to guess that the series of unfortunate events happened on the race day was orchestrated. I would have let him have the race if he were a little more sharp.
I researched the hare's training schedule for the race so that I would know as much about him as possible. His daily schedule, his diet, his leisure time, were all within grasp, so I could plot his demise effectively.
I know fully that I could never outrun him in any way, not even in a hundred years (even though by then he would already be six feet under), so the only way to win him is to prevent him from finishing before I do. Once this context was established, the strategy to adopt became crystal clear.
First, I would get rid of his breakfast. It took me a long while to convince the ninja turtles to help 'retrieve' the basket of carrots from his burrow. You should have seen their elegant execution of their mission. Raphael went onto the frontline to unlock the window. Then Michelangelo opened the window, while Donatello set up the CCTV to look out for any unexpected disturbances. And finally, Leonardo leapt into the room gracefully, and stealthily took out that basket of carrots. They said never put all your carrots in one basket. How amusingly true.
Next, I concocted a sleeping serum. The serum was formulated based on the metabolism readings and blood type collected from the hare when he 'accidentally' scratched himself one fine day, so as to achieve an optimum knock-out probability. I did some calculations on the amount of time needed for me to finish the race route, which was about fifty minutes. So I conveniently adjusted the concentration of the serum to allow him to 'rest' for an hour. Always give yourself a buffer to minimise risks of screw-ups to the minimal. Oh and before I forget, I have also asked Donatello to adjust the hare's 'Anti-slack' pulse watch to sound off at an hour instead of his usual five minutes, in case the serum worked too well. A little mercy is always desirable, isn't it?
And finally, the moment of truth. That 'altered' carrot sure looked tasty to me too, as it was cultivated with my heart and soul in my humble farm. But it has its own purpose of existence, which was fulfilled without any hitch. Its job is done with grace.
And so, victory was sealed.
Oh man. I lost it big time. I still can't believe that I lost to tortoise in that race.
It's humiliating.
I could still recall that day when I was telling that group of hare-babes that race of the century in which I won cheetah by that tiny notch. It was phenomenal. I would never forget that day when I crossed the finish line, the cheers from the crowds and the wows by the king of the jungle. And the priceless honour to receive the olive crown of excellence.
And that stupid tortoise had to spoil my day by ridiculing me in front of the babes, and challenge me to a race instead. Of course I laughed at that suggestion, so as others too. But that hot bunny said that she was curious of seeing both of us in a race, so I accepted the tortoise's challenge.
As usual, I did my training drills a few weeks before the race to keep my fitness up to the mark. Even though it's a sure win for me, I cannot afford to be careless. There must be a good reason why that tortoise dared to challenge a five-time jungle champion, and I definitely wouldn't take any chances. My reputation was on the line, and so I had to keep myself in tip-top condition and win it with style.
But it was sure an unlucky day for me, really. On that big day, when I woke up, I found my basket of carrots missing. Apparently some shameless thief broke into my house and took them all away! Strangely, the rest of my valuables, like my carrot seeds and bunny ear pads, remained intact. I guess that thief must be a really hungry one, and when I get my hands on him/her/it... after I get that race over with first of course. My stomach was growling though, but it shouldn't be a problem for just a one farm lap race right?
At the starting point, my stomach was still growling, as loud as the rolling drum. That tortoise, hearing that growl, was kind enough to offer me a carrot to fill my stomach. It was delicious I had to admit, and was for a moment grateful of him. I was feeling more hyped up with energy than before. I was sure to win this hands down.
The roar of the lion king signalled the start of the run. I went ahead of the tortoise at the first instance, and it was a pretty smooth run with no hiccups like some hedgehogs standing in the way or scarecrows scaring the hell out of me. I ran, and ran, and ran, and without warning, I felt very, very dizzy. I stopped for a little while, knowing that the tortoise was still quite far back, and tried to shake myself back awake. No use. Then a splitting headache like a sledgehammer on my skull. Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch...
After a few minutes, my headache and dizziness subsided. But I felt strangely tired and sleepy. The weather was hot, and a tree with a huge crown by the road side beckoned me to go over and enjoy its cooling cover. How could anyone resist that? And so I hopped myself over and sat under the tree, looking at the leaves sway with the wind before I closed my eyes.
“Beep beep. Beep beep.”
That was my pulse watch's alarm. It would ring if I were to slack too much, which usually amounts to five minutes. But strangely, the pulse watch's alarm was set to a full hour! I panicked. Does that mean I have slept for the past hour?? I panicked even more, before I rushed to the finishing line with speed and vigour never before. I actually broke my personal best timing with that sprint.
But the tortoise was already waiting, smiling, at the finishing line.
He waved.
***
Sun Tze's Art of War states: “Know thyself and thy enemy, and thy shalt know no losses”. Other animals would think that I was foolish enough to challenge the king of the hill in his tracks. They would be right if I were to have done it on impulse. Except that I didn't.
Preparation is very important in fighting a war. Sun Tze had also mentioned that we must be prepared and know the victorious outcome of the battle even before it was fought, rather than go into the battle trying the seek victory. Those who know me well know that I am never rash, and would plan everything prior the battles I face.
But still, I am quite appalled by the stupidity and dullness of the hare, who was so full of himself. Served him right. Any animal in their sound mind would be able to guess that the series of unfortunate events happened on the race day was orchestrated. I would have let him have the race if he were a little more sharp.
I researched the hare's training schedule for the race so that I would know as much about him as possible. His daily schedule, his diet, his leisure time, were all within grasp, so I could plot his demise effectively.
I know fully that I could never outrun him in any way, not even in a hundred years (even though by then he would already be six feet under), so the only way to win him is to prevent him from finishing before I do. Once this context was established, the strategy to adopt became crystal clear.
First, I would get rid of his breakfast. It took me a long while to convince the ninja turtles to help 'retrieve' the basket of carrots from his burrow. You should have seen their elegant execution of their mission. Raphael went onto the frontline to unlock the window. Then Michelangelo opened the window, while Donatello set up the CCTV to look out for any unexpected disturbances. And finally, Leonardo leapt into the room gracefully, and stealthily took out that basket of carrots. They said never put all your carrots in one basket. How amusingly true.
Next, I concocted a sleeping serum. The serum was formulated based on the metabolism readings and blood type collected from the hare when he 'accidentally' scratched himself one fine day, so as to achieve an optimum knock-out probability. I did some calculations on the amount of time needed for me to finish the race route, which was about fifty minutes. So I conveniently adjusted the concentration of the serum to allow him to 'rest' for an hour. Always give yourself a buffer to minimise risks of screw-ups to the minimal. Oh and before I forget, I have also asked Donatello to adjust the hare's 'Anti-slack' pulse watch to sound off at an hour instead of his usual five minutes, in case the serum worked too well. A little mercy is always desirable, isn't it?
And finally, the moment of truth. That 'altered' carrot sure looked tasty to me too, as it was cultivated with my heart and soul in my humble farm. But it has its own purpose of existence, which was fulfilled without any hitch. Its job is done with grace.
And so, victory was sealed.
The Dragon's Diary
An alternative idea from the previous story.
Dear princess,
I've never told anyone why I renounced my title as a 'Sir' that fateful day after returning from my holiday road trip. Because I am so ashamed of myself, and so fed up with the hypocrisy the courts, ever since I was knighted for my 'glorious' deed of rescuing the princess from the 'evil clutches' of the dragon who kidnapped her that decade ago.
No wonder you never smiled when you see my mace on the dragon's head. No wonder you never smiled for the past decade.
After getting frustrated by the merry making tendencies of those useless officials and the endless paperwork that's nothing but a façade for the ineffectiveness of the kingdom policies, I decided to take unpaid overseas leave to de-stress myself. I went to a number of places, seen a lot of things that I've missed out on during previous official diplomatic and military excursions, and I even went back to visit that old tower where that battle of the century took place.
A mysterious force beckoned me to go into that ruins again. I decided to follow it.
In the wreckage of cob webs and dust, I stepped into the very spot where I encountered it. It still looked the same. That broken chandelier that barely missed me when the dragon swung its tail. That mirror I had smashed into pieces when I missed my mark. And that broken chair I've used to throw at it out of desperation. I laughed as picked it up. What on earth was I thinking man? Using a chair to throw at a fire-breathing dragon?
I went in deeper, and found the room you were kept in. Without the traces of age, it was gorgeous. The room was well furnished, as good as our room. It was very similar to our room's layout and design. No wonder you had so much requests in renovating our room prior our wedding day.
I went ahead to visit the dragon's room next door. It was as big as expected, but not the bookshelves. The collection of books was humongous. It ranged from history, philosophy, to even arts of magic and technology. I took out one of them to browse. Intriguing material.
There's a chest sitting quietly at a corner of the writing desk beside the bookshelves. A few gems, crystals, a stack of scrolls and a diary were inside. The dragon's diary. Interesting, I thought. I sat down on the writing desk and began to read. It's written in an official dragon's tongue, which I've studied before in my knight school. Know thy enemy they said, which I thought was absurd then.
I read through its pages carefully, immersing myself into its life as a majestic and feared beast with its beautiful writing. Then I read the final entries, till its final moments before I barged into the tower uninvited.
I was devastated.
The biggest mistake in my life in a moment of rashness and ignorance.
I have translated that portion which I thought you should know of as enclosed. The original diary is in your drawer now.
Words of apology will never be enough. That is why I have to leave. For me to think about things. For me to repent.
But still, I am sorry.
***
Day 1 in The Tower
It is that time of the year again. To move house. I don't understand why we dragons have to move our dwellings every decade as dictated by our culture. What for? It is so troublesome, especially when I have to move my cases of books over.
But nevertheless, I have found a pretty good location as a place of residence. The old tower by the hillside. I did a bit of research on this place, and found that the tower was once resided by a famous orc shaman who was an expert in human magic. An orc practising human sorcery? Interesting indeed. I should be able to find some interesting remains of information about this shaman when I move in later. Maybe I could learn a new spell or two?
Meanwhile, I still have to figure out a way to move my existing inventory of books into this place. Oh well.
Day 5 in The Tower
Almost a week has passed since I've moved into this place, and I am finally done with arranging my books properly. Credits to my mum who taught me a simple spell called 'Dancing books' since she knew my interests in all things textual.
I did a bit of exploring around the area and found a few human settlements. Interesting. It's been a while since I've been in contact with any of them, since few were 'brave' enough to pay me a visit. And among the few who have visited, most of them were after my 'perceived' treasure. I never had anything valuable to those pesky humans, unless they really liked my collection of books so much. Too bad I had to bite their heads off since they were such a pain in the neck. They could have opened their mouths and asked.
As I mentioned, there was an exception though. Years ago at my old residence, there was this human, who called herself a Dragon Mage, dropped by and tried to converse with me in fluent Dragon Tongue. I was pretty impressed, so I let her in and showed her my collection of books and shared with her my signature lamb roast. She parted with one of my books about the history of dragons, a summarised one that is, since she was quite interested in that. I did not tell her that I was a historian, and that book was written by me. She should be honoured. Heh.
Anyway, something interesting happened when I was soaring on top of the plains. I saw a group of humans chasing a carriage with a few horsemen as an escort. I suppose that group were bandits since they were sure dressed like one, while the carriage was of royal background with the emblem on the horses. I never understand why humans like to fight each other so much. Perhaps they were still a young race, as we had a sad history of violence too, though we grew out of it eventually. Time will tell.
Out of boredom and curiosity, I've decided to play a trick on them. I landed some distance away in the carriage's path, and waited. However, I didn't know that the equestrian skills of the horsemen and the carriage were so bad, that they crashed into me. Ouch. The bandits who caught up later, did what I've expected though, by running away hysterically upon sight. I laughed.
I looked at what was left of the carriage. It was unsightly even by my standards. None from the convoy seemed to have survived the crash, until I heard a faint gasp. A lady pulled herself out of the wreckage, looked at me for a while, before knocking out. Somehow, I've decided to bring her back to treat her wounds. Now she is lying in that room beside mine sleeping soundly.
Time to concoct her medicine before she wakes up.
Day 10 in The Tower
She is one active princess I would say. Her energy seems to be inexhaustible. She's been out exploring the whole tower all day without rest, and every time she finds something interesting, she would drag me along to check it out. So far she has found three energy gems, five magic crystals and ten scrolls of spells. I wanted to give her one, but she refused, saying that she found it in my house, so it's mine. Such a cute lady.
In case you are wondering, dear diary, I understand and know how to speak human. Heh.
Her wounds were almost done healing, but when I suggested her leaving in a few days' time, she threw tantrums around. She kept complaining about how she disliked living alone in her room with no freedom in doing the things she likes, how she disliked the etiquettes a princess has to adhere to which she deemed redundant, how she disliked the monotonous tasting food, and the list goes on. I got a little fed up with her ramblings, so I made a compromise by telling her that she could stay up to a month only, treating it as a holiday resort before I escort her back home to her worried parents. She reluctantly agreed. Later she told me that she might be bored of this place in a month's time anyway.
I was quite amused by that comment.
Meanwhile, I will be teaching her how to prepare my other signature dish 'beef grill' later so that she could suggest to her chefs when she returns.
Day 30 in The Tower
I was quite disappointed from my trip to the Witch's.
“You want to WHAT?? Am I hard on hearing or something? You said you want to become a human???”
“Erm... Yes.”
“All because of that silly girl?? Are you out of your mind?? This is the most absurd request I have ever heard!”
“I... I... Does that mean that we have the same kind of heart as humans do?”
“...”
“Come back to me in a week's time. It should be prepared by then.”
“A week? Is there any way to hasten the process?”
“Unfortunately, no. Any compromise to the process will only endanger yourself and those around you.”
“...”
“Okay, I will be back in a week.”
A week. By then, she would already have left.
Day 32 in The Tower
A few days more before the end of princess' holiday. I am feeling more lost then ever.
“Hey “Your Royal Highness” (as I always liked to call her in a mocking tone), how do you feel about your holiday so far?”
“Pretty cool. It's even more fascinating to have a dragon as a 'tour guide' for this holiday. Haha. I had a lot of fun! This would be the best holiday I had so far, or perhaps ever!”
“I am glad you had enjoyed your stay here. It's fun to have you around too.”
“...”
“Hey draggie, don't cry! I have never heard of ferocious dragons cry before, much less see one. This wouldn't look good on you right? Haha... yeah I know... I will miss you too. I promise I would come by and visit you often, alright?”
“Oh hold on while I go and get a bottle. It's quite rare to acquire a bottle of dragon tears right? Hahaha. I can bring it back as a souvenir.”
On a bright side, there are still a few days more to count my blessings.
Day 33 in The Tower
I should have known.
The human king has sent someone after me for the princess. I heard that he's a knight who has graduated as the top student from the Knight School. He also has a nickname of 'One-Man Army'. Is he really that powerful? I wonder.
I could smell him a few hours away. I could also smell a huge lump of mithril steel, possibly a huge mace as his weapon of choice. And I once thought that all knights carry swords or claymores to battle.
Nevertheless, no one is going to deprive me of the last few days with her.
And I mean no one.
Time to stretch myself a little, and warm up my fire lungs.
***
She found the knight standing by himself in the dragon's room at the old tower, staring out to the pitch black sky.
“...”
“I knew I would be able to find you here.”
“I am grateful for your love and kindness for the past decade. I really am.”
“Everything is okay now. Really.”
“Please come back with me.”
And the moonlight shines into the tower with their hands held tight, reflecting her tears and smile.
Dear princess,
I've never told anyone why I renounced my title as a 'Sir' that fateful day after returning from my holiday road trip. Because I am so ashamed of myself, and so fed up with the hypocrisy the courts, ever since I was knighted for my 'glorious' deed of rescuing the princess from the 'evil clutches' of the dragon who kidnapped her that decade ago.
No wonder you never smiled when you see my mace on the dragon's head. No wonder you never smiled for the past decade.
After getting frustrated by the merry making tendencies of those useless officials and the endless paperwork that's nothing but a façade for the ineffectiveness of the kingdom policies, I decided to take unpaid overseas leave to de-stress myself. I went to a number of places, seen a lot of things that I've missed out on during previous official diplomatic and military excursions, and I even went back to visit that old tower where that battle of the century took place.
A mysterious force beckoned me to go into that ruins again. I decided to follow it.
In the wreckage of cob webs and dust, I stepped into the very spot where I encountered it. It still looked the same. That broken chandelier that barely missed me when the dragon swung its tail. That mirror I had smashed into pieces when I missed my mark. And that broken chair I've used to throw at it out of desperation. I laughed as picked it up. What on earth was I thinking man? Using a chair to throw at a fire-breathing dragon?
I went in deeper, and found the room you were kept in. Without the traces of age, it was gorgeous. The room was well furnished, as good as our room. It was very similar to our room's layout and design. No wonder you had so much requests in renovating our room prior our wedding day.
I went ahead to visit the dragon's room next door. It was as big as expected, but not the bookshelves. The collection of books was humongous. It ranged from history, philosophy, to even arts of magic and technology. I took out one of them to browse. Intriguing material.
There's a chest sitting quietly at a corner of the writing desk beside the bookshelves. A few gems, crystals, a stack of scrolls and a diary were inside. The dragon's diary. Interesting, I thought. I sat down on the writing desk and began to read. It's written in an official dragon's tongue, which I've studied before in my knight school. Know thy enemy they said, which I thought was absurd then.
I read through its pages carefully, immersing myself into its life as a majestic and feared beast with its beautiful writing. Then I read the final entries, till its final moments before I barged into the tower uninvited.
I was devastated.
The biggest mistake in my life in a moment of rashness and ignorance.
I have translated that portion which I thought you should know of as enclosed. The original diary is in your drawer now.
Words of apology will never be enough. That is why I have to leave. For me to think about things. For me to repent.
But still, I am sorry.
***
Day 1 in The Tower
It is that time of the year again. To move house. I don't understand why we dragons have to move our dwellings every decade as dictated by our culture. What for? It is so troublesome, especially when I have to move my cases of books over.
But nevertheless, I have found a pretty good location as a place of residence. The old tower by the hillside. I did a bit of research on this place, and found that the tower was once resided by a famous orc shaman who was an expert in human magic. An orc practising human sorcery? Interesting indeed. I should be able to find some interesting remains of information about this shaman when I move in later. Maybe I could learn a new spell or two?
Meanwhile, I still have to figure out a way to move my existing inventory of books into this place. Oh well.
Day 5 in The Tower
Almost a week has passed since I've moved into this place, and I am finally done with arranging my books properly. Credits to my mum who taught me a simple spell called 'Dancing books' since she knew my interests in all things textual.
I did a bit of exploring around the area and found a few human settlements. Interesting. It's been a while since I've been in contact with any of them, since few were 'brave' enough to pay me a visit. And among the few who have visited, most of them were after my 'perceived' treasure. I never had anything valuable to those pesky humans, unless they really liked my collection of books so much. Too bad I had to bite their heads off since they were such a pain in the neck. They could have opened their mouths and asked.
As I mentioned, there was an exception though. Years ago at my old residence, there was this human, who called herself a Dragon Mage, dropped by and tried to converse with me in fluent Dragon Tongue. I was pretty impressed, so I let her in and showed her my collection of books and shared with her my signature lamb roast. She parted with one of my books about the history of dragons, a summarised one that is, since she was quite interested in that. I did not tell her that I was a historian, and that book was written by me. She should be honoured. Heh.
Anyway, something interesting happened when I was soaring on top of the plains. I saw a group of humans chasing a carriage with a few horsemen as an escort. I suppose that group were bandits since they were sure dressed like one, while the carriage was of royal background with the emblem on the horses. I never understand why humans like to fight each other so much. Perhaps they were still a young race, as we had a sad history of violence too, though we grew out of it eventually. Time will tell.
Out of boredom and curiosity, I've decided to play a trick on them. I landed some distance away in the carriage's path, and waited. However, I didn't know that the equestrian skills of the horsemen and the carriage were so bad, that they crashed into me. Ouch. The bandits who caught up later, did what I've expected though, by running away hysterically upon sight. I laughed.
I looked at what was left of the carriage. It was unsightly even by my standards. None from the convoy seemed to have survived the crash, until I heard a faint gasp. A lady pulled herself out of the wreckage, looked at me for a while, before knocking out. Somehow, I've decided to bring her back to treat her wounds. Now she is lying in that room beside mine sleeping soundly.
Time to concoct her medicine before she wakes up.
Day 10 in The Tower
She is one active princess I would say. Her energy seems to be inexhaustible. She's been out exploring the whole tower all day without rest, and every time she finds something interesting, she would drag me along to check it out. So far she has found three energy gems, five magic crystals and ten scrolls of spells. I wanted to give her one, but she refused, saying that she found it in my house, so it's mine. Such a cute lady.
In case you are wondering, dear diary, I understand and know how to speak human. Heh.
Her wounds were almost done healing, but when I suggested her leaving in a few days' time, she threw tantrums around. She kept complaining about how she disliked living alone in her room with no freedom in doing the things she likes, how she disliked the etiquettes a princess has to adhere to which she deemed redundant, how she disliked the monotonous tasting food, and the list goes on. I got a little fed up with her ramblings, so I made a compromise by telling her that she could stay up to a month only, treating it as a holiday resort before I escort her back home to her worried parents. She reluctantly agreed. Later she told me that she might be bored of this place in a month's time anyway.
I was quite amused by that comment.
Meanwhile, I will be teaching her how to prepare my other signature dish 'beef grill' later so that she could suggest to her chefs when she returns.
Day 30 in The Tower
I was quite disappointed from my trip to the Witch's.
“You want to WHAT?? Am I hard on hearing or something? You said you want to become a human???”
“Erm... Yes.”
“All because of that silly girl?? Are you out of your mind?? This is the most absurd request I have ever heard!”
“I... I... Does that mean that we have the same kind of heart as humans do?”
“...”
“Come back to me in a week's time. It should be prepared by then.”
“A week? Is there any way to hasten the process?”
“Unfortunately, no. Any compromise to the process will only endanger yourself and those around you.”
“...”
“Okay, I will be back in a week.”
A week. By then, she would already have left.
Day 32 in The Tower
A few days more before the end of princess' holiday. I am feeling more lost then ever.
“Hey “Your Royal Highness” (as I always liked to call her in a mocking tone), how do you feel about your holiday so far?”
“Pretty cool. It's even more fascinating to have a dragon as a 'tour guide' for this holiday. Haha. I had a lot of fun! This would be the best holiday I had so far, or perhaps ever!”
“I am glad you had enjoyed your stay here. It's fun to have you around too.”
“...”
“Hey draggie, don't cry! I have never heard of ferocious dragons cry before, much less see one. This wouldn't look good on you right? Haha... yeah I know... I will miss you too. I promise I would come by and visit you often, alright?”
“Oh hold on while I go and get a bottle. It's quite rare to acquire a bottle of dragon tears right? Hahaha. I can bring it back as a souvenir.”
On a bright side, there are still a few days more to count my blessings.
Day 33 in The Tower
I should have known.
The human king has sent someone after me for the princess. I heard that he's a knight who has graduated as the top student from the Knight School. He also has a nickname of 'One-Man Army'. Is he really that powerful? I wonder.
I could smell him a few hours away. I could also smell a huge lump of mithril steel, possibly a huge mace as his weapon of choice. And I once thought that all knights carry swords or claymores to battle.
Nevertheless, no one is going to deprive me of the last few days with her.
And I mean no one.
Time to stretch myself a little, and warm up my fire lungs.
***
She found the knight standing by himself in the dragon's room at the old tower, staring out to the pitch black sky.
“...”
“I knew I would be able to find you here.”
“I am grateful for your love and kindness for the past decade. I really am.”
“Everything is okay now. Really.”
“Please come back with me.”
And the moonlight shines into the tower with their hands held tight, reflecting her tears and smile.
Of ugly princesses, knights in dull armour and cowardly dragons.
My idea came from an interesting conversation between a dragon and myself in King's Bounty. This sets me into questioning the tradition of knights rescuing princesses from dragons.
Sickening. Here I am, stuck in this dirty tower with flies all over and the overpowering smell of shit. How shitty is that. I have demanded again, and again, and again for that wimp to clean up his dung after doing his business, but he never listens does he? I will give him a one-times-good-one when he comes back from his hunting trip. He better bring me some birds' nest and abalone to compensate my emotional distress going through all this shit.
Okay, enough of that four letter word. Count the number of days I am stuck here since that son-of-a-bitch (okay he's not a dog strictly speaking, even though he does act like one sometimes) picked me up along my road trip to the other side of the big, big road when I was lost out in the woods taking a leak in the middle of nowhere. A grand total of 37. A pretty nice number right?
For some reason or another, I liked numbers that add up to a 10, like 19, 28, 46, 55 etc. Must be in my genes. I heard that my dad had problems forming number bonds of 10 during his schooling days, so he ordered a sorcerer to concoct a magical potion to help him count more properly. It did work wonderfully, and he went on to become of one the most prominent mathematicians in the lands, with a secondary job of researching mathematical formulas in his free time when not ruling his kingdom. I hate mathematics though.
My thirty-seven days here in this filthy tower is definitely not a stroll in a park. I have to withstand sucky living conditions in this old and abandoned room. There are dust everywhere, the bed is squeaky, the sofa is too soft, the table is too high, the chairs are ugly, the fans are swinging precariously on the ceiling... I can easily come up with a whole list as long as the kingdom's constitution if I have bothered to.
I still have to give him some credit for reducing the mess in the room than it initially was. But being a dunce as he ever is, there's only that much he could do to improve my living conditions. He should get me a proper maid on his next hunting trip. Smack him if he doesn't.
Oh wells, so what am I suppose to do now? I am so bored ever since I have explored every corner of the tower I am stuck in (with my respirator of course). I have to dig through a pile of rubbish before I found the most important item that was missing in my room: a shining mirror! Now I have an option to kill my boredom by admiring myself in the mirror to appreciate my utmost beauty inside out. But it's obvious that that alone won't be enough to satisfy my needs for consistent stimulation. Maybe I should search through that pile again for any surprises I might have missed out.
As I look at myself in the mirror again just now, something struck me suddenly. WHERE THE HECK IS MY KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR WHO IS SUPPOSED TO RESCUE ME FROM THIS PILE OF SHIT??? That idiot is taking his own sweet time eh? It must be the pretty flowers and mischievous pixies that held him up isn't it? Bullshit.
He had better come and rescue me quick, before I blow up this whole damn tower and go to his pathetic house and blow up his house and go right up to his face and smack him silly with my beloved mirror.
Oh no, not with my beloved mirror.
***
Curses, curses and a thousand curses. Why does the princess have to be taken away by that stupid dragon at this time? When I am preparing for my final thesis paper for my Ph.D. Of Knighthood which is due the next day? Now the king had ordered me to go to that tower and rescue that princess, spoiling all my plans for early graduation!
Speaking of the princess, she is definitely NOT the girl in my dreams. In my nightmares rather. I can never forget that day at the kingdom ball when I saw her in that gorgeous dress. A total misfit. I almost tripped over myself when I saw her giving a welcome speech in her shrilling voice.
They say you cannot un-know what you have known. How eerily true.
I know I am sounding superficial, which is against the Code of Honour of Knighthood, but you should have seen her looking at herself in the mirror. I am at loss of words to describe how she does that. And to think it would be the last I would see of her. Such a cruel joke.
I could recall that when I was a little boy, I would go around my small little town declaring my intention and determination to become the best knight in the kingdom so that I could slay dragons and rescue princesses. Now I laugh at myself, with the clear lesson of 'Be careful what you wish for'.
Before setting off for the long journey ahead in this noble quest, I would have to check my inventory to make sure that everything is in order. My squire tends to be a little absent-minded, forgetting to pack important equipment every now and then when I go for my missions. Once I left for a mission to the Winterlands to recover a stolen magic crystal necessary to power the king's massage chair, only to discover that my squire did not pack any winter clothings for me at all. I had to resort to killing a number of cute polar cubs to make myself a coat to survive the mission. That was why I set up a 'Save the Polar Cubs Foundation' when I returned from that mission.
I checked my backpack and found that my good old fire-proof armour is missing. That silly squire forgot about it again. I kept him working for me still for he is a diligent chap, though he still needs to learn prudence before I could approve his promotion to a junior knight. I opened the cupboard, and my dusty armour sat there peacefully. It lost its shine after years of neglect since I last fought a fire-spitting hydra years ago.
I stuffed that suit into my backpack without bothering to polish it as I figured that it would still work whether it's shining or not. Maybe that dragon's fire can help to burn off the mould and rust to make it shiny again! I set off on my trusty steed the next day at first light, revising my Guide to Advanced Knighting on how to kill a dragon along the way.
I secretly wished that the princess would be caught in the crossfire. That way, nobody can force me to marry her when I am done slaying the dragon.
***
No one told me that it is so difficult to be a ferocious dragon. Especially when I am required to carry on the 'tradition' of my ancestors.
My mum kept telling me that my destiny is to send shivers down the spines of the pitiful humans. Burn their villages! Destroy their towns! Stomp their farms! She says. I am so irritated by her constant ramblings that I have to move my ass out to these places to carry out the dirty work. And my back always hurts after each rampaging trip, after those scary villagers poked me non-stop with their forks. I tried to explain to them that I am just doing my job as a ferocious dragon, but they just wouldn't listen. Their obstinateness sends chills down MY spine. Sheesh.
I hate my job. Especially my most recent assignment of this tradition I have to uphold. Kidnapping the princess.
Seriously, it is a lot more difficult and annoying that I thought. And really scary. The worst day of my life was when I picked up that ugly thing in the middle of the woods. I thought I was quite lucky initially, as I need not siege the castle in order to kidnap her from the king and his army of angry infantry, horsemen, archers and magi.
Then she opened her accursed mouth, and I was proven dead wrong. Her scream was deafening. Ouch.
Just when I thought I could have some peace and quiet away from my mum and her ramblings at that old tower far, far away from the cave. That ugly bitch is more formidable than her! I should have brought her back home to challenge my mum, if not for my second thoughts of trying to be a filial son.
Now I am regretting every second of it. Every single second, she would be rambling her complaints about the place, the food, the air, my shit non-stop, and her demands are endless. I had to clean up the room for her, repair the spoilt ceiling fan, find rare delicacies for her 'royal taste buds' in her own words, wash her clothes and get new dresses to replace those I have tore accidentally with my finger nails etc etc. Those are definitely not in my Terms of Reference for being a ferocious dragon.
And a ferocious dragon has the liberty to do his business anywhere he wants! What right does that spoilt brat have to demand that I clean up my faeces after I was done with my job! I am not her pet that needs toilet training. I shall ignore her protest this time. That is what a ferocious dragon supposed to do right?
It makes me puke ash whenever I see her admiring herself in the mirror she have found some days ago. I have purposely hid it away from her so that her unsightly features would not be doubled in this world. Oh wells, perhaps it would keep her occupied from me for a while.
Come to think of it, history has shown that the knight would come and slay the dragon to rescue the princess without fail. And yet I have to uphold this tradition of kidnapping the princess like my ancestors did, and to be killed in the process. That doesn't sound right at all! I did try to ask my mum about it, but she kept insisted that I am different and will succeed in kidnapping the princess while staying alive. But when I asked her about what to do after that, she kept quiet for that very instant that I wished it would be forever, before she shoo-ed me off and asked me not to think about it.
I am having a headache now amidst her endless scowling. I should find somewhere and sleep. Oh wait, I think I smell something coming. Oh no! It's a knight! I better hide somewhere quickly before he gets me like his ancestors always did to mine.
***
And so the legend tells of the tale of a valiant knight in shining armour rescuing the demure princess in distress from the evil clutches of the ferocious dragon at the old tower in the middle of nowhere. Despite putting up a good fight that lasted for 7 days and 7 nights, the ferocious dragon fell eventually under the blades of the knight. The grateful princess then fell in love with the handsome knight, and they tied the knot under the decree of the king as a reward to the knight's chivalry. And so, they lived happily ever after.
We sure can hope.
Sickening. Here I am, stuck in this dirty tower with flies all over and the overpowering smell of shit. How shitty is that. I have demanded again, and again, and again for that wimp to clean up his dung after doing his business, but he never listens does he? I will give him a one-times-good-one when he comes back from his hunting trip. He better bring me some birds' nest and abalone to compensate my emotional distress going through all this shit.
Okay, enough of that four letter word. Count the number of days I am stuck here since that son-of-a-bitch (okay he's not a dog strictly speaking, even though he does act like one sometimes) picked me up along my road trip to the other side of the big, big road when I was lost out in the woods taking a leak in the middle of nowhere. A grand total of 37. A pretty nice number right?
For some reason or another, I liked numbers that add up to a 10, like 19, 28, 46, 55 etc. Must be in my genes. I heard that my dad had problems forming number bonds of 10 during his schooling days, so he ordered a sorcerer to concoct a magical potion to help him count more properly. It did work wonderfully, and he went on to become of one the most prominent mathematicians in the lands, with a secondary job of researching mathematical formulas in his free time when not ruling his kingdom. I hate mathematics though.
My thirty-seven days here in this filthy tower is definitely not a stroll in a park. I have to withstand sucky living conditions in this old and abandoned room. There are dust everywhere, the bed is squeaky, the sofa is too soft, the table is too high, the chairs are ugly, the fans are swinging precariously on the ceiling... I can easily come up with a whole list as long as the kingdom's constitution if I have bothered to.
I still have to give him some credit for reducing the mess in the room than it initially was. But being a dunce as he ever is, there's only that much he could do to improve my living conditions. He should get me a proper maid on his next hunting trip. Smack him if he doesn't.
Oh wells, so what am I suppose to do now? I am so bored ever since I have explored every corner of the tower I am stuck in (with my respirator of course). I have to dig through a pile of rubbish before I found the most important item that was missing in my room: a shining mirror! Now I have an option to kill my boredom by admiring myself in the mirror to appreciate my utmost beauty inside out. But it's obvious that that alone won't be enough to satisfy my needs for consistent stimulation. Maybe I should search through that pile again for any surprises I might have missed out.
As I look at myself in the mirror again just now, something struck me suddenly. WHERE THE HECK IS MY KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR WHO IS SUPPOSED TO RESCUE ME FROM THIS PILE OF SHIT??? That idiot is taking his own sweet time eh? It must be the pretty flowers and mischievous pixies that held him up isn't it? Bullshit.
He had better come and rescue me quick, before I blow up this whole damn tower and go to his pathetic house and blow up his house and go right up to his face and smack him silly with my beloved mirror.
Oh no, not with my beloved mirror.
***
Curses, curses and a thousand curses. Why does the princess have to be taken away by that stupid dragon at this time? When I am preparing for my final thesis paper for my Ph.D. Of Knighthood which is due the next day? Now the king had ordered me to go to that tower and rescue that princess, spoiling all my plans for early graduation!
Speaking of the princess, she is definitely NOT the girl in my dreams. In my nightmares rather. I can never forget that day at the kingdom ball when I saw her in that gorgeous dress. A total misfit. I almost tripped over myself when I saw her giving a welcome speech in her shrilling voice.
They say you cannot un-know what you have known. How eerily true.
I know I am sounding superficial, which is against the Code of Honour of Knighthood, but you should have seen her looking at herself in the mirror. I am at loss of words to describe how she does that. And to think it would be the last I would see of her. Such a cruel joke.
I could recall that when I was a little boy, I would go around my small little town declaring my intention and determination to become the best knight in the kingdom so that I could slay dragons and rescue princesses. Now I laugh at myself, with the clear lesson of 'Be careful what you wish for'.
Before setting off for the long journey ahead in this noble quest, I would have to check my inventory to make sure that everything is in order. My squire tends to be a little absent-minded, forgetting to pack important equipment every now and then when I go for my missions. Once I left for a mission to the Winterlands to recover a stolen magic crystal necessary to power the king's massage chair, only to discover that my squire did not pack any winter clothings for me at all. I had to resort to killing a number of cute polar cubs to make myself a coat to survive the mission. That was why I set up a 'Save the Polar Cubs Foundation' when I returned from that mission.
I checked my backpack and found that my good old fire-proof armour is missing. That silly squire forgot about it again. I kept him working for me still for he is a diligent chap, though he still needs to learn prudence before I could approve his promotion to a junior knight. I opened the cupboard, and my dusty armour sat there peacefully. It lost its shine after years of neglect since I last fought a fire-spitting hydra years ago.
I stuffed that suit into my backpack without bothering to polish it as I figured that it would still work whether it's shining or not. Maybe that dragon's fire can help to burn off the mould and rust to make it shiny again! I set off on my trusty steed the next day at first light, revising my Guide to Advanced Knighting on how to kill a dragon along the way.
I secretly wished that the princess would be caught in the crossfire. That way, nobody can force me to marry her when I am done slaying the dragon.
***
No one told me that it is so difficult to be a ferocious dragon. Especially when I am required to carry on the 'tradition' of my ancestors.
My mum kept telling me that my destiny is to send shivers down the spines of the pitiful humans. Burn their villages! Destroy their towns! Stomp their farms! She says. I am so irritated by her constant ramblings that I have to move my ass out to these places to carry out the dirty work. And my back always hurts after each rampaging trip, after those scary villagers poked me non-stop with their forks. I tried to explain to them that I am just doing my job as a ferocious dragon, but they just wouldn't listen. Their obstinateness sends chills down MY spine. Sheesh.
I hate my job. Especially my most recent assignment of this tradition I have to uphold. Kidnapping the princess.
Seriously, it is a lot more difficult and annoying that I thought. And really scary. The worst day of my life was when I picked up that ugly thing in the middle of the woods. I thought I was quite lucky initially, as I need not siege the castle in order to kidnap her from the king and his army of angry infantry, horsemen, archers and magi.
Then she opened her accursed mouth, and I was proven dead wrong. Her scream was deafening. Ouch.
Just when I thought I could have some peace and quiet away from my mum and her ramblings at that old tower far, far away from the cave. That ugly bitch is more formidable than her! I should have brought her back home to challenge my mum, if not for my second thoughts of trying to be a filial son.
Now I am regretting every second of it. Every single second, she would be rambling her complaints about the place, the food, the air, my shit non-stop, and her demands are endless. I had to clean up the room for her, repair the spoilt ceiling fan, find rare delicacies for her 'royal taste buds' in her own words, wash her clothes and get new dresses to replace those I have tore accidentally with my finger nails etc etc. Those are definitely not in my Terms of Reference for being a ferocious dragon.
And a ferocious dragon has the liberty to do his business anywhere he wants! What right does that spoilt brat have to demand that I clean up my faeces after I was done with my job! I am not her pet that needs toilet training. I shall ignore her protest this time. That is what a ferocious dragon supposed to do right?
It makes me puke ash whenever I see her admiring herself in the mirror she have found some days ago. I have purposely hid it away from her so that her unsightly features would not be doubled in this world. Oh wells, perhaps it would keep her occupied from me for a while.
Come to think of it, history has shown that the knight would come and slay the dragon to rescue the princess without fail. And yet I have to uphold this tradition of kidnapping the princess like my ancestors did, and to be killed in the process. That doesn't sound right at all! I did try to ask my mum about it, but she kept insisted that I am different and will succeed in kidnapping the princess while staying alive. But when I asked her about what to do after that, she kept quiet for that very instant that I wished it would be forever, before she shoo-ed me off and asked me not to think about it.
I am having a headache now amidst her endless scowling. I should find somewhere and sleep. Oh wait, I think I smell something coming. Oh no! It's a knight! I better hide somewhere quickly before he gets me like his ancestors always did to mine.
***
And so the legend tells of the tale of a valiant knight in shining armour rescuing the demure princess in distress from the evil clutches of the ferocious dragon at the old tower in the middle of nowhere. Despite putting up a good fight that lasted for 7 days and 7 nights, the ferocious dragon fell eventually under the blades of the knight. The grateful princess then fell in love with the handsome knight, and they tied the knot under the decree of the king as a reward to the knight's chivalry. And so, they lived happily ever after.
We sure can hope.
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