The story of the heartless man

Background: Inspired by The Girl with Two Hearts, a humble attempt to account for the heartless man and his tragic end.

I shall humbly take over to fill in the details of the tragic pair, the girl who once had two hearts and the man who is heartless. Perhaps I shall give more details about the heartless man for a more rounded account.

People never understood how the heartless man survives without his heart, because blood cannot circulate without its presence. The doctors who attempted to study him had a hypothesis though. Blood is needed by the brain for it to function, therefore they suggest that the blood circulates via brain activity to replace the pumping heart. Of course, this hypothesis is never tested due to constraints by the Ethically Ethical Ethics Guidelines set by the International Mediocal Boared (sic) to prevent such unethical experiments to be carried out. They could only clamour in a distance.

However, let me assure that the solution is actually quite simple. Know his name, and one will understand. Names are so important, am I not right? Especially when the name of the heartless man is Bi Gan. Yes, he is the same person who once had a seven-hole-rare-beauty (七窍玲珑) heart, but was taken out by the evil concubine of King Zhou thousands of years ago for her amusement. For the benefit of those ba****s who are not familiar with this legend, Mr Jiang gave Mr Bi a magical talisman to prevent his death after having his heart taken out. However, after surviving, he had to ask a lady selling kangkongs what would happen to a man with no heart. If the lady says “the man without heart still lives”, Mr Bi will survive. On the other hand, if the reply is “the man without heart dies”, he would vomit blood and dirty the whole marketplace with his exploded internal organs and, needless to say, die on the spot. The legend told that Mr Bi indeed had died on the spot and caused a civil war against King Zhou in the country when word about the incident spread, since Mr Bi was a wise official who governed with a heart.

But, as clichéd as it will sound, nothing could be further from the truth. The kind old kangkong lady actually said “I don't know. I think he will live a long long life instead since he would have no heart to take care of.”

And so, Mr Bi lived a long, long life, but had to feign death for obvious reasons.

Since we have clarified Mr Bi's background, it will be easier to explain what really happened between the girl with two hearts and him the heartless man. The doctors are right to say that Mr Bi used his brain for blood circulation. Therefore, his brain received tremendous amount of workout for the past three thousand years. And therefore, his brain power is far more superior than other mere mortals, but since he already lost his conscience along with his heart, his hobby of playing people around him like a game is understandable. And thus, the poor girl who once had two hearts was not spared from his random acts of finding amusement.

Of course, as our dear previous narrator has mentioned, Mr Bi made a miscalculation on which heart to break. And so, Mr Bi was caught totally off guard when the girl went on to execute her devious plans of revenge with her new found intelligence. Even his three thousand year old brain couldn't save him from this.

The details on the onslaught is unnecessary as usual, but worth noting is his outcome. For those who are wise enough to understand that history never fails to repeat itself, how he met his end is obvious. But for the benefit of those who don't, I shall carry on. After losing all his material possessions, he dejectedly exiled himself from the civilisation as a last desperate attempt to escape the clutches of one-hearted girl. On the way to the mountains where Mr Jiang lived, he met an old lady selling kangkongs by the roadside. Anyone of reasonably sound mind would have avoided this old lady at all costs for obvious reasons, but somehow, Mr Bi chose to approach her, and ask, “What happens to a man without a heart?”

Moments later, only a pool of blood and crushed skeletal ashes remain. The old lady gave the most devious grin, removed her make-up and wig, and called for her private jet to bring her back home.